First, make a list of all your past relationships (romantic, friendships, and sexual).
Then, take the time to analyze what they have brought you and what they have taken away. This little exercise will help you better understand your preferences and your limits.
From your list, you will be able to establish a list of absolute yeses and absolute nos regarding relationships. These are non-negotiable criteria that will guide your future choices. For example, you can include in your absolute yeses elements such as communication, respect for your emotions, and trust.
"Don't forget that behind these criteria lie your deep needs. Take the time to listen to what your heart is telling you and never doubt your values."
An example of a list you can make,
Absolutely yes:
- They leave me space
- They taught me to trust in love again.
- Good communication
- Open-mindedness
- They accept me as I am.
- They made efforts to build a stronger relationship.
Absolute no:
- To be taken for granted
- Not feeling that efforts are being made for me
- Judged my emotions
- They don't say everything and it gives me a feeling of betrayal.
- Lie
- Lack of communication
This little exercise will help you gain clarity in your future relationships and not neglect yourself by being aware of your non-negotiables. When you meet a new person, remember this list and ask yourself if this person has the non-negotiables you want to avoid. Ask yourself if you are currently neglecting your own values.
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
Have you ever heard of the five love languages? I imagine you have, it has become quite a popular model today. If you don't know it, it's a way of describing the different ways in which we express and demonstrate our affection to others.
There are five of them:
- The uplifting words: Do you like being complimented, being told cute words of appreciation? In bed, is that also the kind of thing that can excite you?
- Quality moments: Do you like having all your partner's attention? Going on dates, walking hand in hand?
- The gifts: Do you like surprises whether they are bought or homemade? Do you love little notes, bouquets of flowers, etc.
- The services rendered: Do you like it when we do things to help you?
- Physical contacts: Are you looking for closeness, do you feel valued and closer to your partner after your sexual relations?
They help to understand how to receive and give love. We all have one that is more dominant than the others and that we cherish more. Often, these love languages can be a cause of conflict in the couple, as you may express affection differently. That’s why it is relevant to take the time to observe your partner to know how they like to receive love.
The principle is simple: it is by better understanding and respecting each other's emotional needs that we can avoid all the little daily conflicts or internal frustrations.
To identify your love language, three questions to ask yourself:
- In what your partner(s) does (or does not do), what hurts you the most?
- What have you most often demanded from your partner(s)?
- How do you generally express your love?
LITTLE TIP! "It often suffices to remind yourself of your daily complaints: 'You are never there. You never tell me that you find me beautiful. You never give me gifts. You never hold me in your arms. You never take out the trash.' This gives you a good clue about the language in which you wish to receive love from your partner."
"It is important to know that since childhood, we have an emotional reservoir that only wants to be filled with love. If we lack love during our childhood, it is very possible that we will need even more affection in our adult life. I find it sad to see that some couples spend a good part of their lives not feeling valued because their partner does not speak their language."
To learn even more and go deeper, you have two options:
You can join us on the Extreme Self-Love group
You can sign up for our Sex and Sensuality Training where there is a dedicated section on this topic.
