First, make a list of all your past relationships (romantic, friendly and sexual).
Then take the time to analyze what they have given you and what they have taken away from you. This little exercise will allow you to better understand your preferences and your limits.
From your list, you can make a list of absolute yes's and absolute no's when it comes to relationships. These are non-negotiable criteria that will guide your future choices. For example, you can include in your absolute yeses things like communication, respecting your emotions, and trust.
Don't forget that behind these criteria lie your deep needs. Take the time to listen to what your heart tells you and never question your values.
An example of a list you can make,
Absolutely yes:
- They give me space
- They taught me to trust in love again
- Good communication
- Open-mindedness
- They accept me as I am
- They made efforts to build a stronger relationship
Absolutely no:
- Getting taken for granted
- Not feeling like someone is making an effort for me
- Judged my emotions
- They don't say everything and it gives me a feeling of betrayal
- Lie
- Lack of communication
This little exercise will allow you to see more clearly in your future relationships and not neglect yourself by being aware of your absolute no's. When you meet someone new, remember this list and ask yourself if this person has the absolute no's you want to avoid. Ask yourself if you are abandoning your own values at this moment.
THE 5 LANGUAGES OF LOVE
Have you ever heard of the five love languages? I guess so, it has become quite a popular model today. If you don't know it, it's a way of describing the different ways we express and demonstrate our affection to others.
There are five:
- Rewarding words: do you like people to compliment you, to say cute words of appreciation to you? In bed, is that also the kind of thing that can turn you on?
- Quality time: Do you like having your partner's full attention? Go on dates, walk hand in hand?
- Gifts: Do you like surprises, whether purchased or made? You love little notes, bouquets of flowers, etc.?
- Services provided: Do you like people to do things to help you?
- Physical contact: Do you seek proximity, do you feel considered and closer to your partner after your sexual relations?
They help us understand how to receive and give love. We all have one who is more dominant than the others and whom we are more fond of. Often these love languages can be a cause of argument in the couple, because you may represent affection in different ways. This is why it is relevant to take the time to observe your partner to know how they like to receive love.
The principle is simple: it is by better understanding and respecting everyone's emotional needs that we can avoid all the small daily conflicts or internal frustrations.
To identify your love language, three questions to ask yourself:
- In what your partner(s) does (or doesn't do), what hurts you the most?
- What have you most often asked of your partner(s)?
- How do you usually express your love?
LITTLE TIP! It is often enough to remind yourself of your daily complaints: “You are never there. You never tell me that you find me beautiful. You never give me gifts. You never hug me. You never take out the trash. » This gives you a good indication of the language with which you want to receive love from your partner.
It is important to know that since childhood we have an emotional reservoir that only wants to be filled with love. If we lack love during our childhood, it is very possible that we need even more affection in our adult life. I find it sad to see that some couples spend a good part of their lives not feeling considered because their partner doesn't speak their language.
To learn even more and go in-depth, you have two options:
You can join us on the Extreme Self-Love group
You can sign up for our Sex and Sensuality Training where there is a dedicated section on this topic.
