Could you complete the following sentence: "My journey towards EXTREME SELF-LOVE began when..."
R: "My journey towards EXTREME SELF-LOVE began when I had no choice but to face myself. Following a difficult breakup with my ex-fiancé in 2021, a second depression was not an option for me. So I stepped out of my comfort zone. Traveling alone for the first time not only helped me understand and identify myself, but also to confront my fears, to forge myself, to trust myself. So, I would say that going on an adventure, alone, allowed me to fully experience my emotions and to rebuild myself. This is the beginning of a great and tumultuous love story with myself."
What motivated you to take care of your physical and mental health, and what practices have helped you maintain that balance?
R: "What motivated me to take care of my physical and mental health comes from just the love I have for myself. It is also due to the love I have for others. We live in a society that is sick. The concept of "metro, boulot, dodo" means that our priorities are no longer in the right place. I want to heal from my emotional wounds, I want to expand my self-confidence and strengthen my body since it is the best recipe for inner peace, in the long term. It is also the best recipe for attracting what is best for oneself as well as for maintaining beautiful and healthy relationships. The best way to take care of those we love is to take care of ourselves first. Prioritizing our mental and physical health helps me stay present and authentic in all other areas of my life: relationships, work, etc. "To make this world a better place you need to start with you."
Have you encountered moments of discouragement or plateaus in your journey towards self-love? If so, what lessons have you learned from them?
R: "Of course. Losing my job, experiencing friendships and romantic breakups, depression, having imposter syndrome for the profession I want to pursue, multiple anxiety attacks, in short, the list is long. It’s important to remember that self-love is not a stage you reach and that remains intact afterwards. On the contrary, self-love is a practice, a belief that needs to be nurtured every day. It hurts to be told no, because you believe you are not enough. You doubt your potential, your worth. However, the best lesson I’ve learned from all this is that, in the end, I always ended up thanking the Universe for all the times it said No to me. Because it always came back to me with better Yes(es)."
How do you define the notion of "success" in terms of well-being, and how has this definition evolved over time?
R: "For me, success in terms of well-being resembles the concept of Taoism, a Chinese tradition. Being healthily detached from what may or may not happen. Regardless of the circumstances, staying grounded and at peace with what happens, especially if it is out of our control."
Life throws all sorts of obstacles at us. I haven't stopped receiving them for the last 2 years. It constantly tests me. And now I've learned to adapt much faster than at the beginning, because I've learned over time that if it's out of my control, I need to detach myself from it.
"So for me, the success of well-being is to achieve an inner peace regarding what we were, what we are, and what we will become. From what was, what is, and what is to come."
In a society obsessed with physical appearance, how do you find the strength to focus on deeper and more meaningful wellness goals?
R: "It's a constant struggle to detach from beauty standards and to fully accept ourselves in our differences, but it's possible. I believe that my desire to heal and to embrace who I am is simply stronger than my desire to please others. It took me deconstruction, especially being a mixed-race woman, I had a sort of identity crisis regarding my appearance for a long time. Beauty standards at the time and even still today are very focused on European features. That said, I find strength in thinking about my ancestors. My features are the union of several loves before me. If these traits and characteristics have been loved up to my descendants, then why not be proud of them? One must literally reprogram their brain, allowing it to unlearn the lies that have been imposed on us. Our authenticity and self-confidence have always been the most attractive things we can offer, and those who impose the opposite simply want to make money off our insecurities."
How do you manage to balance your desire to achieve your performance goals with the importance of loving and accepting yourself as you are right now?
R: "I am currently practicing moderation. I motivate myself to achieve my performance goals while reminding myself to savor life. To be here, now. I listen to my body. If it has a day when it particularly needs rest, then I recharge it. If it needs movement, then we go all out. If it needs love, then I give it a little more than usual. I would say that "my" key to finding balance is to really, sincerely listen to myself and validate my emotions in both the good and the worst moments. That way, every action comes from a place of intuition. "Restfully reaching goals."
How do you protect yourself from comparing yourself to others?
R: "I remember that whatever I notice in others is a reflection of myself. The beauty I see in another is a reflection of what I have within me. The jealousy I feel is also a mirror that reminds me where I need to dig deep and heal. Comparison is the enemy of happiness; it will gnaw at you because it risks devaluing yourself, but on the contrary, when you envy something, it should inspire you. A radiant person can help another shine while staying lit."
What has been your greatest learning experience in publicly sharing your journey towards extreme self-love, and how has self-love helped you in this process?
R: "In a society that profits from people's insecurities (especially women's), loving oneself fully is an act of rebellion. Self-love is almost taboo or even frowned upon. By sharing my journey towards self-love, I have disturbed some. Over time, I have understood that I cannot be their savior. What they experience does not belong to me, and their malice towards my posts reflects the struggle they must have with themselves. Hurtful words come from hurt people, and self-love has helped me detach from it."
How do you define extreme self-love?
R: "EXTREME SELF-LOVE for me is defined as an unconditional love for oneself. And that does not mean that we love ourselves to the point of no longer wanting to evolve; on the contrary, it means we love ourselves despite the fact that there is work to be done. It is closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. It encompasses not only the way we treat ourselves but also our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. It is about understanding (or trying to), forgiving ourselves, motivating ourselves, and reassuring ourselves through all our phases."
What valuable advice would you give to someone who wants to start a wellness journey but feels overwhelmed or intimidated by the process?
R: "The best advice I can give you is to seek help. A psychologist, a psychotherapist, a spiritual guide, a coach - in short, I believe that the best way to start is to understand our defense mechanisms, our limiting beliefs, where they come from and why we have them. For my part, going to the roots of my wounds was the best way to start a healthy relationship with myself because I was able to forgive myself, I was able to forgive others, and that is really where healing begins."
How can we help you develop even more extreme self-love?
R: "I believe that one way to not only help myself but the collective is representation. Making sure that the stories of all kinds of women are brought to the forefront. Women of color, women of different religions, pregnant women, mothers, etc. It makes us feel less alone, it makes us feel included, and it creates a real community!"
